A lighthouse, the sea, and a story

There was a period back in college when I spent most of my free time in the library. I wasn't studying, mind you, but I was slowly working my way through the Filipino novels and short stories in our library's collection.

Of the dozens of stories I read then, what really stuck with me was Cristina Pantoja Hidalgo's "The Woman in the Lighthouse." It was about this woman the narrator met at a lighthouse, who drove up north on one of those trips people, women particularly, go on to try and "find themselves," whatever that means.




She didn't really know where she wanted to go, and she just followed this map a friend made for her until she came upon this fork in the road and the map, which up until this point had very specific instructions, suddenly didn't tell her where she's supposed to head. Following her instincts, she found herself in a garden where she saw a half-naked man tending to the plants. The guy turned out to be a priest. They had an affair, of course. I guess it couldn't be helped---a romantic light house, a quiet beach, young bodies --- these are all the makings of a love affair.

Like many great love stories, however, this one wasn't supposed to end on a happy note. Even though the guy was willing to leave the priesthood to make an honorable woman out of her, they parted ways, at the woman's initiation. It wasn't because she didn't care for him, just that the woman knew in her heart of hearts that although he loved her, he loved his vocation more.

I've always pictured this story to be set somewhere in Ilocos, mostly because to my younger, ignorant self, "north" only meant Ilocos (haha). When I visited Patar in Bolinao, Pangasinan, though, this became THE place for me. The author could tell me herself that this story was, in fact, set in a different location, but that wouldn't dissuade me from thinking that this was the lighthouse that the woman visited every year to think about the love she lost, and this was the beach that bore witness to their great but ultimately tragic love story.

this photo makes me sad